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The Unwanted Gift of Grief

A Ministry Approach

• By Tim P. Vanduivendyk, Harold G. Koenig

• Price: $14.95
• Binding: Paperback (also available in Hardback)
• Pages: 216
• Published by: Routledge
• Publication Date: 26th July 2006
• ISBN: 978-0-7890-2950-8

About the Book

Learn how to embrace the painful gift of grief and use it for transformation and healing as you journey through the wilderness to a promised life

The Unwanted Gift of Grief is a passionate, practical guide through the grieving process for those who have suffered loss—and those who suffer with them. Rather than talking people out of their grief and pain as a way to make them feel better, this unique book invites them into the grief and pain as a way to healing, transformation and hope. Using real and in-depth ministry and counseling conversations, it identifies the journey through the wilderness of grief.

This powerful book is equally valuable as a gift from a minister to a grieving person, as a professional guide for ministers and counselors, and as a training tool for lay ministers and congregation members. Built on the ministry concept of “sojourning,” The Unwanted Gift of Grief offers guidelines to be used in helping people in their journey through the adjustment period that follows a loss, a time that may include the darkness of disbelief, frustration, anger, sadness, depression, and healing light as they make their way through the wilderness of grief.

Topics examined in The Unwanted Gift of Grief include:

• grief as gratitude and gift
  
• how family and culture can affect grieving
  
• different pathways through grief
  
• everyone grieves differently
  
• sudden loss, slow losing, rejection and suicide
  
• identifying the agony and characteristics of depression
  
• grief factors that affect marriage and sexuality
  
• saying “Yes” to death
  
• factors of faith, science and miracles
  
• the labor and contractions of dying and death
  
• the hope for healing and cure
  
• how to help: the Sojourner’s Process Guide
  
• the Grief Date: A Guide for Couples
  
• fifty ways to make it through the wilderness
  
• and much more

The Unwanted Gift of Grief is an essential resource for anyone lost in the wilderness of loss and grief, and for professionals, lay ministers, family, and friends who care for them.

Table of Contents

• Foreword (John R. Claypool)
  
• Acknowledgments
  
• Introduction
  
• Overview of the Book
  
• PART I: THE UNWANTED GIFT
  
• Chapter 1. Grief As Gratitude, Grief As Gift
  
• The Wilderness of Grief: The “Way” to Transformation
  
• Without Facing the Pain, Growth May Be Limited
  
• Letting Go of the Past, We Rise to New Life
  
• Grief: A Journey of Wondering and Wandering in the Wilderness
  
• Chapter 2. Everyone Grieves Differently
  
• How Long Will I Grieve?
  
• The Effects of Family and Culture on Grieving
  
• Different Pathways Through Grief: Think People, Feel People, and Act People
  
• Introverts and Extroverts
  
• Chapter 3. Factors That Affect the Wilderness of Grief
  
• The Faith Factor
  
• The Need for Sojourners: Counselors, Ministers, and Friends
  
• Sudden Loss or Slow, Unfolding Loss
  
• Rejection and Suicide
  
• The Life Cycle and Development
  
• Differentiation and Enmeshment
  
• PART II: THE WILDERNESS OF GRIEF
  
• Chapter 4. Unbelievable Darkness
  
• The Dynamics of Darkness
  
• Type of Shock and Disbelief
  
• Temporary or Permanent Amnesia
  
• Chapter 5. Frustration and Anger Amid “Why?”
  
• Frustration and Anger: Part of the Journey
  
• Frustration and Anger As Regret, Remorse, and Guilt
  
• Frustration and Anger Toward Others
  
• Chapter 6. Praying for a Miracle
  
• Holy and Earthly Contracts: Hope for Healing and Cure
  
• Miracles and Saying “Yes” to Death and Suffering
  
• Mom’s Good Death
  
• Advance Directives and DNR Orders
  
• Abby’s Good Miracle
  
• Chapter 7. Wrestling with Sadness and Depression
  
• Sadness and Depression: Normal Parts of Healing
  
• Movement into Light and Healing
  
• Signs of When Depression Is Too Deep
  
• Getting Help: When, What, and Where
  
• Chapter 8. Healing: Experiencing the Light Again
  
• Turning Points in the Wilderness
  
• Caution: Euphoria May Be Ahead!
  
• What Does This Healing Transformation Look or Feel Like?
  
• What Is This Mysterious Spirit That Transforms Us Through the Wilderness?
  
• Chapter 9. And Yet…We Never Forget!
  
• The Return of Grief: “Peek-a-Boo” Experiences
  
• PART III: SOJOURNERS IN THE WILDERNESS—HOW TO HELP
  
• Chapter 10. Being a Sojourner
  
• What Is a Sojourner?
  
• Appendix: The Sojourner Process Guide—Walking with Another Through the Wilderness of Grief
  
• Chapter 11. Sojourning with Those in Unbelievable Darkness
  
• Chapter 12. Sojourning with Those Frustrated and Angry Amid “Why?”
  
• Chapter 13. Sojourning with Those Praying for a Miracle
  
• Chapter 14. Sojourning with Those Wrestling with Sadness and Depression
  
• Chapter 15. Sojourning with Those in Healing and Light
  
• PART IV: MORE WAYS TOWARD TRANSFORMATION
  
• Chapter 16. Marriage: Tough Enough Without Grief
  
• Couples and Grieving
  
• Gender Differences and Grief
  
• Complementarity in Marriage and Grief
  
• The Gift of Sexual Closeness Amid Grief
  
• Appendix: The Grief Date—A Guide for Couples and Family Members
  
• Chapter 17. Ways of Making It Through the Wilderness of Grief
  
• Notes
  
• Suggested Reading
  
• Index
  

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